“Do you think we’ll be in love forever?” She asked.
“I hope so.” I said.
She walked straight out of my dreams and into my life. One day, all of a sudden, there she was. Like some miracle of science fiction. Monster’s bride.
It’s amazing how much of a heart one person can occupy. Kept telling myself we’d reach this stage of trust that would allow me to return the love to everyone else again. But that’s exactly what she did not want to happen. And, to her credit I suppose that would mean GAME OVER. She was trying to keep us alive, I believe. Or at least, that was the effect.
Also, she values her love so highly. She won’t allow it to be taken for granted. Not by anyone. That’s why the trust never arrived. For four exhilarating years she kept me guessing. Kept me begging. Like a dog… Impressive, really.
When I say trust, what I really mean is certainty. A “guaranteed” (On the box). A ring you both wear that says “I love thee”… F-o-r-e-v-e-r. (Call me old-fashioned).
Of course I didn’t want this at first. But at a certain point it becomes a necessity. Like, for literal survival purposes. A vow is like a sturdy ship for you and your partner. Without it the ship is full of holes and you are constantly bailing water to stay afloat. Now, The sinking ship motif is extremely romantic, of course. James Cameron is a genius. It’s romantic because you and your partner are working together to stay afloat. And the workout of course has its rewards…The only problem is you aren’t going anywhere else. You just stay, wasting time. “Dig if you will the picture, of You and I engaged in a kiss…” AS the world crumbles in the background.
You don’t get to choose who you fall in love with. No more than you choose your favorite movie. Or book. You are bewitched by the cover. You read the first page. Then the first chapter. Suddenly you are enthralled. You don’t want to know how the story ends. But the water is freezing and there aren’t enough boats.
I do miss her… My compliment. My shadow (in profile). Jung would call it my anima. Manifested.
There’s that word again… “Mine.” (Points the lustrous fountain pen back down at her notepad).
…To be continued…