EF’s Love Life

(Quill in hand, reading glasses slouched) Is nonexistent, in short. (Resumes answering fan mail feverishly).

I only mention it because for a brief time in my 20s I got to play the part of Romeo (rrrRomeo). In the Tragi-comedy that is life. Hopefully you did too. What are we but the stories we tell ourselves!?

It’s a new chapter. And although the universe has sent him multiple Crouching Tigers at the new bartending gig, EF has in every instance run from them like Tokyo from Godzilla. “Heart of a lion, this one.”

My ex is the original prototype for Jobu Tupaki. Perhaps you’ve met her. Not asian; just that strong personality combined with the inexperience. I didn’t know what I’d do with my next dauntless fem warrior.

Two years later, just before halloween last year, there she was. Crab walking at me out of the dark with those cute little devil horns (ehe). Asked for ice water. (THEN pulled me across the bar by my neck-tie and dragged me straight to her master!). Okay that last part didn’t happen – It’s a caricature.

Tattoo on the right thigh – a samurai sword shish-kabobbing 2 hearts (with room for one more🔪💔) (Gulp). Eyeing my thumping chest and licking her lips, she gave me her number. The rest is between EF and God.

Sorry to disappoint you but I already said I ran (So far awayYyy). Dating is too much work. Even the sex is too much work. Let alone the socialization as an introvert? I think I’ll take up Legos again instead.

Lately I feel about as sexy as a pile of dirty dishes. And crushed milkshake cartons. Not working out because of the literal broken heart, which I dare say is improving. Been cutting my own hair since the divorce. One slip of the scissors and he’s ready for the Monestary, Officially.(Sigh)

E.F.🥺💓🐶

@ethanlovesdrpepper

too scared. maybe tomorrow #fyp #ryangosling #emmastone #lalaland #meme #relatable

♬ jersey luvvv – el🍌